My Grandfather died today.

My papa taught me how to tie my shoes while we were in the waiting area of a barber shop when I was like five years old. He used to take me to get my hair cut. We would get matching flat tops. At the time I thought it was really cool. Now, thinking about it a quarter of a century later, I still think it was pretty damn cool.

Robert Driskell passed away today at a little after 3 pm.

After years of fighting emphysema and almost three days of being on deaths door in the hospital, he finally went wherever we go when we die.
I've never had any experience with death. Sitting in the hospital with Papa when he was ready to die was very uncomfortable. He was ready to go and wanted to "go to heaven." Even though he was ready to go and be done with all the suffering and the struggling, his body wouldn't allow him to die.
He was making jokes and being funny right up to the point where the pain meds made him unconscious. He was using the mouth vacuum to suck on his hair and clean out his ears. It was funny. He said "the jig is up." That was funny as well. He said that time is too short and this made perfect sense to me even though I think that the other people in the room discounted it as delirium.
I think he was making pretty perfect sense right up until the end.
Sitting in the room with him, waiting for him to take his final step became surreal. There is no way that we can really wrap our minds around death. The fact that he was going to go was apparent, but no one in the room could actually grasp the fact that he was no longer going to be with us.
It got to the point where we were wishing he would pass just so that he would no longer suffer.
I got to the hospital this morning at around noon. Papa had been asleep since about 3 am. Karl and Chelsea went home to get some sleep and my mother and Matt were at Papas house getting all the paperwork together for the funeral and such.
It was just me and nana and rene in the room with papa.
Rene went to get some ice.
As soon as she walked out of the room, papa stopped breathing. I was showing nana some of my website just to distract her and then he stopped.
Nana started crying and I went to the nurses station where there was only one nurse.
"Ma'am, my grandfather just stopped breathing."
She smiled at me and nodded. I went back to the room and held on to nana while she had a breakdown.
I shut off all of my emotions because that is what I do when faced with situations like these. Nana needed me so I took care of her. She was screaming and crying and she was throwing herself on top of the bed.
I was just amazed that it happened this way. I never thought it would have just been me in the room when he went. Apparently Papa thought this was the way to do it.
And it was probably the best way it could have gone down.
Sixty years of marriage. Watching nana was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

The Texas School Board is apparently full of idiots that are remarkably similar to Rick Perry.

To all the conservatives who are trying to change Texas textbooks- fuck you. The fact that our country used slaves at a point in the past will not be softened by calling it the "Atlantic Triangular Trade." The term Capitalism is just as good as the term "Free Enterprise" and casting McCarthyism in a favorable light is BULLSHIT.
BULLSHIT!!!
This makes me so angry I want to hit something.
This is our children's education that we are talking about. Their education that is going to determine their FUTURES and therefore OUR FUTURES.
The future of the human race and the direction that this planet takes is directly dependant on what the schools of today are teaching the generation of tomorrow.
Shouldn't we really be concerned about other things? Like perhaps making sure our children are learning to read?
Perhaps stopping bullying in our public schools? Why don't we spend time making sure that the curriculum is relevant instead of what you consider to be PC.
This generation is growing up in a padded cell with its plastic playgrounds and movies that are rated pg-13 because one of the characters lights a cigarette.
These children are going to grow up and be CARICATURES of real people if we aren't careful.....

Read the article from the San Francisco Chronicle here.

Tired.

Garden was planted on the full moon. I will be planting more as they grown and I transplant them all outside.
Me and Eloy and the dogs all went out to visit mom today. It was nice, but mom was not feeling well and Eloy had a migraine on the way home. He is sleeping right now and I am on my way to bed as well.
This was the first day of this competition diet that I am doing and I did pretty good. Not perfect, but pretty good.

Today

Sitting at Starbucks in Barnes and Noble across from my work at 11 because I had to take Andrew to work this morning and didn't want to drive all the way home just to be back out here at noon. I work 12 to 8 and am hoping it will be a good day. It will be.
I had such a good nights sleep it was ridiculous. Odd dreams that I can't remember.

Sitting here with my espresso'd iced coffee. I have to go pick up my pictures after work tonight. Heres hoping today will bring news of my current financial predicament....
And Eloy comes home tonight or tomrrow...

Something is Changing. Something in me.
My attitude has shifted and I know what it is.
I picked up this book when I went with my friend Courtney to half price books last week.
She is somewhat interested in paganism and witchcraft just like I always have been.
Through our conversations about these subjects over the last few months, I have realized that I have quite a knowledge of it. I guess I should since I have been reading about it and collecting info since I was a child. Paranormal occurrence, unexplained phenomena, psychic ability, astral projection, all of these and many more were fodder for my imagination as a child and as I have grown, it has just deepened.
My teenage years were rocky toward the end and for many reasons, I rejected the christian faith after being raised in it all my life. Just like many teenagers do, I started looking into Wicca and Paganism. While I quickly realized that Wicca is a little too stringent for my tastes, the world of Paganism really appealed to me.
At that age, I think what appealed to me was of course, the rebellious aspect of doing something that was different and viewed by many people as wrong. Anyone who knew me at that point in my life, I am sure, would readily agree.
However, the underlying basis of the belief always felt right to me.
The ideas that we are all made of the same molecules- me, the computer that I am writing this on, the bench that I am sitting on, my dogs who are playing around my feet and anyone who might read this at any point, are all made up of atoms of the same substance.
We all came from the earth so doesn't it stand to reason that we would all have some underlying connection? I believe this is true. I believe that while our science hasn't reached the point where they can explain said connection, it is there just the same.
That said, I also believe that some people are more attuned to this connection than are others.
My mother raised me in a rather pagan way, I think, without even realizing it. One of my earliest memories is of her taking me on what we would call nature walks. We would look at the trees and flowers and she would tell me what she knew of them. We were always a very animal friendly family and I grew up with a profound connection to nature.

Unfortunately along the way, right around puberty- go figure, I lost some of this connection. Sex took over as it does for many boys and some girls and other things began to be more interesting.
But throughout my life, the fundamentals have stayed there and been growing stronger, albeit in the background.

When I was a dabbler in all this in my early twenties, about a decade ago, I used spells and love charms to get things that I wanted and learned after several disasters that I needed to be very careful what I asked for. I had some friends who played with other peoples fates to very bad results because they really had no idea what they were doing. If they had known what they were doing then they would have known that they had no right to even try these things.
After a few of these said disasters, I backed off and while I have held to several of the basic tenets over the years, I didn't consider myself "Pagan."

I met the love of my life, whom I am so thankful for, six years ago this July. I was crazy at that point because of all of my baggage from previous relationships. We had our ups and downs and we even broke up a couple of times in the first three years, but there was something holding us together. We couldn't be apart, it just didn't work. This was the time in my life that I realized that everything happens for a reason and it became glaringly obvious that he was a big part of the path that I was supposed to be on.

I was in school and I was going crazy and was trying to get my degree, work a full time job and maintain a serious relationship. Needless to say, I formed a few bad habits. And I was not fully grown up. Me and Eloy would get into fights about things like why I did not know how to do laundry right. Or why I had no idea how to correctly load a dishwasher. And while I am by no means a messy person, I do have a tendency to let things get cluttered. (What can I say? I am an ARTIST!) Add this to the fact that Eloy is freakin mister Clean and of course, there have been some fireworks over the years....

When I received my degree in december of 2008, things continued much the same way. I was now an academic artist who was stuck in a retail job and I had no idea what direction to go with my art because of course, they don't teach you that in art school.
So I jumped into health and began to focus almost all of the attention I was using for school on getting fit and losing the weight I had gained due to my failing thyroid.
And things in our home continued in the same manner as the four previous years.
I am in no way saying that Eloy and I have ever been unhappy. We are very happy with our two dogs and our home and just being with each other. But things could have been a lot better. We both knew this. And we both knew it was mostly my fault- cause I am a little bit nuts. Always have been.
I have always been high strung and prone to jump to the worst conclusion and cling to it and worry until I make myself sick. I knew it was getting worse over the years and it was becoming exacerbated by the fact that I felt empty. Like I was searching for something. I assumed it was my lack of a career.
And then last week I picked up a book called Hedge Witchery by Silver Ravenwolf, who had been one of my favorite pagan authors from my previous experiences.
I read the first chapter that night and something seemed to shift back into place. It was like a puzzle and I could almost hear it click back into place.
In the book she talks about peoples beliefs and how they affect their lives as a whole. And, yeah, it sounds like something you would hear Oprah talking about, but maybe there is more to Oprah than we know...
It makes sense. The mind is a tricky thing and the author goes on to say that when you clear up the clutter in your life and get your viewpoint in order, the universe will listen.
Mind over matter.
Her first exercise was for the reader to smile and see how much it affected their attitude. I tried this while I was at work and I was amazed to find that when you smile in a bad situation- the situation becomes not quite as bad.
The next thing was to be thankful for what you have. And then decide what you want that you don't have and then just ask for it. The universe, god, whatever higher power you believe in, she said just to ask for it and believe that you will get it.
For some reason this makes sense to me. I did it with just little things and so far it is working out quite well. I have an odd sense of well being. I haven't freaked out from stress in over a week.

Today, I found out that a stranger walked into a bank yesterday and somehow stole my identity- along with a thousand dollars of my money. I didn't freak out at all. I simply called the bank and submitted a claim and took a breath while telling myself that this would be corrected because I did not do it and I do not deserve this. And I believe it.
So we will see how it turns out, but I think there might be something to this Universe thing.
I think the hole in my life that I was searching to fill might have been my lack of a firm belief system.
It's like Oprah says- Let's live our best life.

Gay Homophobes

So. On facebook tonight there was a post on my page talking about a homophobic singer who has a concert here in dallas tomorrow night. My friend is staging a protest against him.
I am all about it.
I feel like we have to state our case and we should do so at every possible venue.
The response to my friends post by some guy named Mario Quintero really, really pissed me off.

This was his response:

Oh Daniel Daniel. Why, why, why? It's his right to say what he wants about homosexuality wheather you like it or not. Protesting him is just validating his stance on homosexuality and are just giving him publicity. I have never heard of him until I got this message from you and I don't really care to know who he is. It's those who listen and make a fuss who create this and give people like him exposure. Ignore those people who try to hurt you with words and it is as if they never said them at all.

And as for your other fights for gay rights, I think gay people need to change if they so desire the change that they ask for. You well right know how shameful the behavior is of most of the gay world. I am not generalizing everyone but the grand majority need to look within themselves and make changes before they expect to get the respect from those who consider themselves "normal". We first need to show the rest of the world that we are worthy of those rights before asking for them and I think until that happens will be when we get what we rightfully deserve. You probably know exactly what I am talking about. I am not ashamed to be gay, I am very proud to be gay, but I can not say the same for others.

This was my response:

I find the first comment to be a bit self righteous. The only way that ignoring people such as buju will do ANY good at all is if EVERYONE IGNORES HIM. As in everybody that is exposed to him. This is obviously not going to happen. So there are people like us who will take a stance and stand up for what we think is right. This is conflict and unfortunately the human experience is based on it.
I also understand what you are trying to say, but I take offense to the fact that you are referring to gay people when you speak of it. Even though you say your not "generalizing everyone" you are doing just that when you use words such as "the majority."
We have to take a stance if we want to get our rights. it was inspiring to be at the Equality March in DC this past week, and it made me realize even more that unless we are loud about our demands we are not going to get them.
We do not have to prove or "show" the world anything.
We are diverse and beautiful, different people just like the rest of the human population and we DESERVE the same rights as them by default.... .
They are no better- And we are no worse.

Gay Homophobes are worse than Straight ones.

Support us with a simple phone call.....

WE NEED YOUR HELP. Homophobic reggae artist Buju Banton is scheduled to perform at the Palm Beach Club in Deep Ellum Tuesday, Oct. 20. Banton's show was canceled at the House of Blues in Dallas and Houston; however, his promoter Tony Gold has found other venues. Live Nation pulled out of promoting the concert in April after the LA Gay & Lesbian Center began efforts to oppose the national tour. The Palm Beach Club's phone number is 214-742-4743. Be respectful, but ask why they are promoting hate by booking this performer. Share this information with your friends!

Balance

I am a pacifist.
To a certain point.
Then I am done because sometimes I want to hurt people.
I do.

But the people I want to hurt are people who are bigots or ignorant or spreading hate in some way to people who don't deserve it. Or people who hurt animals or the environment for no reason other than the fact that they can. People who have given in to the darker side of our animal nature. And especially the ones who disguise their hatred, their bigotry and ignorance, behind a figurehead like Jesus or the church.

Those are the people I want to hurt. I want to beat them in the face until the meanness is just pounded out of them. I do realize that there are people who say that this is probably no better than what they are doing, but I think that that is a cliche.

I am a balanced individual. I love the world, I love people, I love animals and nature. I love exercise and art. I love writing and taking photographs and making people smile. I love my partner of five years and I love the fact that I feel comfortable enough with him to be myself, no matter how stupid and silly that may be.

However, I still have the capacity to get angry and I do, often.

I get mad at injustice, I get mad at politics, I get mad at the monetary position of myself and capitalism in general and the fact that I am stuck in a retail job. I get angry when people kick dogs and burn rain forests. I get angry when people don't use their blinkers when driving. I HATE bigotry, homophobia and racism.

Children make me smile and War makes me sad.

Like I said, I am a balanced individual. I do not believe that anyone is inherently good or evil. I believe that everyone is born with the capacity for both and we have a choice where we take it. Our choice in this matter would be decided by our experiences and how we are socialized as children, as would every other choice we make in our lives.

I do not believe that a conflict can ultimately be decided by turning the other cheek. I believe that this is a good way to start out, but I am a firm believer in defending yourself when provoked. Someone lashes out at me and I will take it until I cannot take it anymore.
Then I will put them in their place.

I get mad in the movies and television shows when the hero has the really bad guy right where he wants them and he won't pull the trigger because it would "make them no better than the people they are trying to stop."
Just kill him because we all know what is going to happen. The hero isn't going to do it and the bad guy is going to SCREW them over so bad that there is going to have to be a sequel or an entire second season to clean up the mess that the hero could have prevented if he had just PULLED THE FUCKING TRIGGER!

If I am in a position like that where I am fighting for my life or for my beliefs and I have the chance to pull the trigger- I am going to do it. Some might consider this crossing over to the dark side.
I call it balance, and if someone attacks me I am going to fucking fight until they are on the ground- or I am.

Overheard

So I was sitting minding my own business in Buli Cafe- a little gay cafe on the strip here in dallas- and these two queens sat down next to me. That is fine. They were at the other table. Then some other guy with this crazy ponytail came up and freaked out because he hadn't seen them in "FOREVER." Then he proceeds to sit in the seat across from me at my table and have a long conversation with them. Is that rude?
I think it is.
Here is a video of me being pissed.




overheard @ Buli in a very southern accent " I think that we should live with our partners in duplexes, so that we could have our own space.....I don't know.....(gay sigh and an even more gay shake of the head)"
What is the freaking point of having a partner then is what I want to know? If you need a duplex, then you need a NEW PARTNER even more.

Well, to each his own I suppose.
These guys were kind of funny as it turns out. I just wish they had asked if they could sit at my table.....That would have been the socially appropriate thing to do... I think.
Social Appropriateness has never been my forte.

I don't really have anything to say...yet.

Dallas Drag

Dallas Drag

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Samariah Made my Day

I was working with my friend Sam today. I always enjoy working with Sam. She was going to her car to get clothes to change into cause she was going to see a movie after work and as she walked out the door I jokingly told her to bring me "Something fun."
Here is what she came back with.....

Her name is Megan and she is chinese. Her new home is on the wall in my art studio next to my odd collection of wooden birds from the World Market.

I love Sam.

Refrigerator Pictures

You can tell a lot about a person from what is on their refrigerator.......

Mine and Eloys Fifth Anniversary

Crazy Random Photos

Me and Baby Snaps.

Carrie Ann Bowling. She hates bowling. She used to cry when I tried to get her to go bowling. And yet here she is.

Baby House Gecko. I did not take this pic, but I thought it was neat just the same.

Webcam Snapshot of Eloy. 8-3-09

Random Pic of the Day

This is my Beautiful friend Adrianna. We were bored a few years ago when we both worked at Kinkos and I dared her to copy her face.
She obviously did it.